It's that time. Grab your Santa Suit and get ready for a fine evening of good wholesome fun!
2011 Phoenix Santarchy
Saturday, December 17th, 2011
HOME | FAQ | PHOTOS | LINKS
Santarchy Rules
This is going to be a fast-paced night. If you are drinking, don't buy
drinks that you plan on sipping. Don't buy doubles! Santa doesn't
dilly-dally. He's in and out fast!
A Holiday COSTUME is mandatory! A Santa hat or a fancy sweater is
NOT enough!
Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Paint on a Santa suit. Steal
a Santa suit.
No money? Be creative!
Glue cotton balls to red long johns. Make it purple. Make it pink.
Already have a Santa suit? Make a spare so Santa can assimilate strangers.
REMEMBER SHARING IS CARING
Prime examples: pimp Santa, Santa Garcia, Santa's naughty little helper,
candy cane, elf, reindeer, Christmas tree, Chanukah Chicken, Santasaurus
Here are the most important things you should know:
The 4 Fucks of Santarchy
- Don't fuck with children.
- Don't fuck with cops.
- Don't fuck with security.
- Don't fuck with Santa.
Memorize the answers to questions that may arise:
Who's in charge? "Santa"
What organization are you with? "Santa"
What are you protesting? "Shitty holiday parties"
How did you get here? "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"
Where are you going next? "Put on this hat, buy me a drink, then I?ll tell
The Forewarnings
- The following are your evening?s best friends (or at least SILENT
enemies)
- Police Officers
- Security Guards
- Store Owners
- Laws
- Mom
- Getting arrested is NOT FUN, for you and for anyone else involved!
The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa's antics in the
loving holiday spirit Santa intends, so be nice to them.
- The "schedule" is open to liberal interpretation by Santa. There is
no Santa in charge to call the day of. [If you can't show up for the
start, get the cell number of someone who can help you catch up later or
look at the posted map & try to catch to us somewhere in the designated
areas]
- Santa does not make children cry (unless they whine, snivel, or
otherwise deserve it).
- Give kids toys, candy, or something pleasant.
- Feel free to urinate on the parents.
- Santa dresses for all occasions. It's December. Smart Santas wear
multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing
Christmas carols outside, or swinging from a stripper pole.
- Santa doesn't whine! We will be walking much of the night and
covering a lot of ground on foot. Bring enough ?snacks? to keep your
pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
- Don't be "that" Santa. Your friends want to have fun, not scrape
the puke out your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into
traffic.
- Pay your own god damn bar tab! Tip the bartenders generously for
putting up with us